A plus-one can be an especially kind offer to guests who aren’t close to or don’t know anyone else in attendance, says Brittny Drye, the founder and editor in chief of Love Inc., a wedding magazine dedicated to both all couples regardless of gender or sexuality. “If you have single guests who are part of larger friend groups attending, this is more of a case-by-case call,” Drye says.
Auguste agrees with these suggestions–and offers a caveat: “This requires you to know your guests. Can you trust that guest to bring a date who’s fun and can behave themselves? Or are they known to bring a wild-card guest to parties or events where it ends up becoming a whole situation? Drama can be exciting at times, but there’s no need for added drama at a wedding.”
Cheska Bacaltos, a social strategist at BuzzFeed, applied these plus-one principles for her wedding at the Eden Nature Park and Resort in Davao, Philippines in 2017. Guests who were local only received plus-ones if they were married or engaged; if she and her spouse both knew a guest’s significant other, the guest got a plus-one. For guests flying in from abroad and/or didn’t know anyone else at the wedding, they got a plus-one, too.
“You want your guests to have fun and not feel awkward or alone,” Bacaltos says. “But here’s the gray area: For family, it’s like, yeah, you’re my brother, but no, don’t bring your two-week situationship. We’ve got cousins there. You will be fine!”
Or, intimate is legitimate: Not everyone needs a plus-one for a destination wedding–or any wedding
“I don’t always have the most popular opinion on this topic, but I am a strong believer that not everyone needs to have a plus-one,” says Kimiko Hosaki, the founder and executive director of K.H & co. Consulting Group, which specializes in luxury events and experiences in Canada and Hawaii. Hosaki has a straightforward rule: If your desired guest has been dating their significant other for less than a year by the time of the wedding (especially if you haven’t met them), you do not need to give that guest a plus-one.
“At my own destination wedding, two of my closest friends brought new girlfriends,” Hosaki says. “One of them was so consumed by her–they were still in that honeymoon phase–that he missed all the additional gatherings, the dinners, the hangs by the pool, and the island activities. They broke up shortly after the wedding. To this day, he still comments on how he should have just come alone.”
To keep the wedding intimate, Hosaki suggests matchmaking roommates among guests to split costs: “I had three solo guests who could not afford the accommodations on their own. Though they weren’t in the same social circle, they’d all met before and I knew they’d get along great. They had a blast. Eleven years later, they’re still in touch and now get their families together!”
Of course, you can do a little bit of both: offer plus-ones to those who might get lonely, as well as group friends together to minimize costs and drama. For his wedding in Mexico City next summer, Nicholas Pakradooni, a creative director based in Los Angeles, and his fianc? are offering about 15 plus-ones to guests who are single and/or don’t know people at the wedding. Since hotels at the destination tend to run small anyway, he says they’re facilitating room shares among guests in order to fit everyone, and pairing people who are already friends with each other or those who would be good matches.
Be mindful of your budget–and keep communication open
Your budget, your chosen venue’s capacity, and other logistic constraints will also factor into the decisions around who gets plus-ones. If you have the space–physically and financially (and emotionally, to be honest)–you may choose to be more generous with plus-ones. But if there are clear limits to seating and spending, stick to them. As Hosaki says, “A couple should not have to give up on their wedding vision just so they can fit more people.” Sure, some of the guests will have not met, but they all have something in common: the celebrating couple.
If guests ask why they didn’t receive plus-ones, Hosaki suggests, “You can explain that, due to the capacity of the venue you have selected, you have to keep your guest list to primarily your closest friends and family.” Whether with local or destination weddings, clear communication with guests is important to mitigate any drama. “Be consistent with your rules to avoid hurt feelings,” says Akinseye. When sending out invites, be clear about who is being invited by addressing the invite directly to them, or to them ‘and guest,’ so there is no confusion. But at the end of the day, Akinseye adds, “It’s your day, so you make the rules.”