“AITA for telling my sister that I won’t change my wedding?”
I (27F) am getting married to my fiancé, Raj (29M), in a couple of months. We are having a traditional, lavish Indian wedding, which has been a dream of mine since childhood.
I grew up in a mixed household; my father is Hindu and my mother is Christian. While we celebrated both religions growing up, I’ve always felt more connected to my father’s Hindu traditions.
My sister, Sarah (25F), is also getting married around the same time. She identifies more with our mother’s Christian faith and is planning a traditional Christian wedding. Recently, Sarah approached me, expressing concerns that our weddings being close together might overshadow hers, especially since mine is more extravagant and involves multiple days of celebration.
Sarah asked if I could either tone down my wedding, consider postponing it, or even make it a fully Christian ceremony to balance things out. She believes that having two weddings so close together, with one being significantly grander, would take attention away from hers and create unnecessary stress for our family, who will have to juggle both events.
I told her that I understand her concerns, but I’ve been planning this wedding for over a year, and it means a lot to me to have it the way I’ve always imagined. I also pointed out that our cultural backgrounds are different, and both weddings will be special in their own ways.
Additionally, postponing my wedding would be a huge inconvenience and financial burden for us, given the extensive preparations and bookings already in place. Our wedding dates are three weeks apart. We have separate guest lists, but there is some overlap with close family and mutual friends.
My mother is siding with Sarah and believes I should change my wedding to a fully Christian ceremony or at least incorporate significant Christian elements. My father, on the other hand, supports my decision and believes that both of us should have the weddings we want.
Sarah was very upset and accused me of being selfish and not caring about her feelings. She thinks I’m prioritizing my wedding over our family’s well-being. My mother has started going overboard, constantly criticizing my decision and even threatening not to attend my wedding unless I change it to a Christian ceremony.
She’s been calling extended family members to persuade them to side with Sarah and boycott my wedding if I don’t comply. My father supports my decision and believes that both of us should have the weddings we want. He has been trying to mediate, but the situation is getting more tense by the day.
Sarah and I have always had a complicated relationship, and while we support each other, there’s often been tension due to our different personalities and choices. Now, I’m feeling torn. I don’t want to hurt my sister or cause any family rift, but I also don’t want to sacrifice my dream wedding.
Also I’m not in her bridal party or any other things but her wedding as I have mine. Also i Inherited a lot from Great Grand Father as he Was hindu and he gave it to me as i was as well I gave my sister 40% of what he gave me and no one is helping with wedding costs. AITA for telling my sister that I won’t change my wedding?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
A lot of people have asked who has scheduled their wedding 1st, And I have to say it was me. When I was proposed to, I asked all my family when they would be available and chose my wedding date then that took around 3-4 weeks.
During that time, my sister and her boyfriend were having a fight and weren’t talking but I don’t know why. But once he proposed, my sister asked that we have our wedding on the same day same venue and I have Christian wedding like her. I declined and she decided to go cry to our mum but my dad wouldn’t take any of my mom’s sh$t. She ended up choosing a date 3 weeks later.
Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:
klutzelk said:
Nta. If it’s such an issue maybe your sister should’ve chosen a different time to have her wedding. You shouldn’t have to force yourself into a totally different belief system and cultural tradition that you don’t really identify with to appease them.. that’s just absurd that they would even request such a thing.
xxbananabreadxx said:
Nta – If Sarah is so concerned, she can move her wedding. She’s so weird and entitled expecting you to.
Relevant_Demand7593 said:
NTA, maybe she should incorporate Hindu into her wedding if she is so worried. It’s your wedding that you are financing, and to ask you to make changes after you’ve paid vendors is ridiculous. Will they refund your expenses?
KathAlMyPal said:
NTA. Your sister wants her dream wedding but she doesn’t want you to have yours. Do what you’ve planned. If she’s so worried about being overshadowed (God save us from needy brides) then let her change her wedding.
Status-Pattern7539 said:
Your mother doesn’t care if you don’t change the date…so long as you make it Christian. That right there tells you she does not respect your culture or beliefs. You will probably find her threatening to boycott if you change the date and it’s still not having any Christian element. This is a control thing to try and force her religion onto you.
You have already sunk a lot of money into this wedding. How much? Think about that. That’s not fair to lose just bc your sister is immature and doesn’t want your wedding to be better than hers in a short time frame to her own.
Tell your sister if she reimburses upfront the cost off ALL your losses as a result of moving the date then you will move it (here’s a hint, she won’t as she doesn’t care how it will impact YOU so long as she gets her way). If she won’t pay to move your wedding, she can move her own date, if she doesn’t do that either she can suck it up.
Unfortunately you will have to deal with people picking a side and not coming. You won’t win with your mother so don’t base your decision on her. People who care will come, those that don’t then don’t deserve a place in your life. NTA.
lVlrLurker said:
NTA. You’re in charge of your wedding, she’s in charge of hers. No one else gets to have a say in it except for the ones getting married and the ones paying for it — and in this case, that’s just you and your fiancé.
Your sister could easily make her wedding just as extravagant as yours, even if it was fully Christian — because that’s a cultural practice, not an inherently religious one. But no, she doesn’t want to do that because, let’s face it, she’s either ashamed of her Hindu/Indian ancestry or is too cheap to try and blend the two.
And if she had actually had a problem with any of the BS she’s now claiming to have a problem with, she could’ve avoided the whole thing by picking a different wedding date! She can’t handle that, so instead she’s making it a you problem instead of a her problem.
UPDATE:
So I went to try and and talk to my sister but she didnt let me in unless i told her i would have a christian ceremony, i declined and left. My mum called me later on tellimg me i am a piece of sh%t for ruining my sister big day. Honestly i would havve had my wedding months ago but when a preist checked mine and my Fiance’s Horoscope we didnt have a date untill a year later.
I have talked to all my vendors and though they dont do password procection they agreed to it, later on i found out my mum wanted to change my bridal lehenga and my party decor luckly they didnt let her.
Also my Wedding has all of our distant relatives as well as close family the wedding my side alone has 1734 people all together we have a guest list of 3600, my sister tried to get everyone but she didnt try and coordinate that much she just sent the invite and told people to spread the word.
All my guests are being accomodated by me and my in-laws my inheritance included a huge castle mansion sort of thing which has 100 rooms (I know i’ts large but it is really old) and the rest have been booked into resorts by me and my in-laws, My sister didn’t offer this.
Everyone was on OP’s side for this one. What’s your advice for this wedding drama?
Sources: Reddit
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